"Codfish and Catfish in the Congregation"
Matthew 5: 23-24; 18: 15-17
Pastor Bill Chadwick
Oak Grove Presbyterian Church
August 23, 2009
Ever have a disagreement? A conflict? With a fellow Christian?
There was a church where the pastor and the minister of music were not getting along.
As time went by, this began to spill over into the worship service. The first week the
pastor preached on commitment and how we all should dedicate ourselves to the
service of God. The music director led the song, "I Shall Not Be Moved." The second
week the pastor preached on tithing and how we all should gladly give to the work of the
Lord. The director led the song, "Jesus Paid it All." The third week the pastor preached
on gossiping and how we should all watch our tongues. The music director led the song,
"I Love to Tell the Story." With all this going on, the pastor became very disgusted over
the situation and the following Sunday told the congregation that he was considering
resigning. The musician led the song, "Oh, Why Not Tonight?" As it came to pass, the
pastor did indeed resign. The next week he informed the church that it was Jesus who
led him there and it was Jesus who was taking him away. The music leader led the
song, "What a Friend We Have in Jesus." (From a story by King Duncan)
The ideal is for us to be in harmony. Let’s look at a description of the early church found
in Acts chapter 4: Now the whole group of those who believed was of one heart and
soul, and no one claimed private ownership of any possessions, but everything they
owned was held in common. With great power the apostles gave their testimony to the
resurrection of the Lord Jesus, and great grace was upon them all. (vss. 32-33) It didn’t
stay like that very long, but that clearly is God’s will for us.
Conflict is inevitable in any organization with more than one person in it. Thirty years of
marriage counseling has helped me to see how every person has a different view of
reality. You listen to one of the partners and you get one picture and then you listen to
the other and you wonder if they live in the same county, nevertheless the same house.
And we know that if five people witness an accident they will have five different accounts
as to what happened. Conflict is inevitable.
And conflict in and of itself is not a bad thing. It helps us to grow and to be our best. I
have to remind myself of that because by nature I am a conflict avoider big time. I
inherited that gene from my dad, who would do anything to avoid conflict.
A number of years ago I learned an interesting thing. Seafood companies were trying to
find ways to ship cod across the country and keep them tasting good. Freezing was not
optimal. So they tried shipping them in big tanks in the back of trucks but by the time
they arrived their flesh had become soft and mushy from just sitting in the tanks and not
swimming around much. Then someone got the brilliant idea of throwing in a few catfish
with them, because catfish and codfish are enemies. It worked. The catfish chased the
cod around during the entire trip and the cod arrived in fine fettle.
The codfish needed the catfish to stay at the top of their game. We need people with
other ideas to help us grow and stretch. That’s one of the things I like about Oak Grove.
There is a diversity of people and ages and colors and opinions. One of the churches I
served was completely homogenous as far as their world view. It was identical to my
worldview and you would think that I would love that, but frankly, it got boring. They
didn’t need me to help them see things differently.
So far since I’ve been here we’ve been having a lovefest…as far as I know. If there is
grumbling it hasn’t made it to me.
But there will be unhappiness at some point, my friends.
General experience when a new pastor comes to a congregation says that there will be
a honeymoon period of two to 18 months, followed by a period of disappointment. The
congregation is disappointed in the pastor; the pastor is disappointed in the
congregation. There aren’t any perfect pastors. There aren’t any perfect congregations.
This is followed, one hopes, by a long period of fruitful ministry.
But the scriptures today are not really about pastor/congregation conflict, they are for
any two individuals in conflict.
There are a number of strategies we might take in response to a conflict. Pastor Glenn
Borreson lists five. We might become the avoider. This is my default inclination and I
come by it naturally. My dad would do anything to avoid conflict. I have learned that it is
not a helpful strategy in the long run.
The mind-reader is another common trap. We expect the other person to know how we
have been hurt, but maybe they have no idea. The grudge-carrier may simply be a
variation on the mind-reader. Some people love to be unhappy and they pick at the
wounds to keep them alive. Forgiveness, should it come, would spoil so much demonic
pleasure. Another common trap is the gossiper. The gossiper tells everyone but the
one who should be told. The blaster is the opposite. The blaster confronts with both
barrels. Oh, you know when you have hurt the blaster.
And here’s a sixth way of dealing with conflict. A certain married couple had many sharp
disagreements. Yet somehow the wife always stayed calm and collected. One day her
husband commented on his wife’s restraint. “When I get mad at you,” he said, “you
never fight back. How do you control your anger?”
The wife said: “I work it off by cleaning the toilet.”
The husband asked: “How does that help?”
She said: “I use your toothbrush!”
None of these strategies is what Jesus wants for us, as individuals or as a congregation.
Jesus wants the church to be a reconciled community and we are a much better witness
to the world (Acts 4) than if we are constantly fighting.
Jesus gives us several “how to deal with conflict” lessons. The first is an admonition to
look at our own self before we deal with the other person.
In Matthew 7:3 Jesus says “Before worrying about the speck in your brother or sister’s
eye, first take the log out of your own eye.” When I was about 20 and my brother John
was about 15 he tromped through the kitchen mumbling and grumbling. As he left the
room I commented, “He sure is surly.” My entire family in unison said, “He’s surly!? He
is nothing compared to what you were like at his age.” I had no idea. No selfawareness.
I apologized profusely. Get the log out of our own eyes first.
This passage was referenced in Friday’s article in the Presbyterian Mission Yearbook for
Prayer and Study. How many of you regularly use this? (Two hands go up.) I hope that
next year there are a hundred or two hundred hands. The Mission Yearbook is a daily
devotional aid which lists mission projects around the United States and around the
globe. I guarantee that if you read the Mission Yearbook for thirty days you will fall in
love with the Presbyterian Church, reading about all the great stuff we are doing around
the world. The Mission Committee will be selling the 2010 model later this year.
Friday’s region was the Republics of Central Asia. Let me read for you:
Rashid felt torn. For the past several days he and his colleagues at a development
organization in Tajikistan had been participating in a workshop on biblical conflict
resolution taught by a team from a Presbyterian church in California. During the
workshop, they had learned practical biblical principles and skills for dealing with
personal conflict. Rashid was one of the few Christians on a mostly Muslim staff, and he
felt the Holy Spirit tugging on his heart to deal with a conflict with a colleague. All kinds
of excuses came to his mind — it happened a long time ago; most people in the office
don’t even know about it; this isn’t the right time or place. But God spoke to his heart:
“If not now, when?” So Rashid stood and announced he wanted to apologize for
disrespecting his colleague several months previously. As he was speaking, the other
man stood up and received his apology and the relationship was healed.
Over the next weeks, several other staff members experienced reconciliation in strained
relationships as they put what they learned into practice. Yusuf realized for the first time
how he had contributed to a feud that had been going on for years. He realized that his
negative thoughts toward a neighbor had kept him from seeing anything positive about
him. So he decided to invite the neighbor to a party at his home where they ate and
talked together. In Tajik culture, eating with someone is a sign of friendship and
acceptance, and through this act the two were reconciled. As a result of these
experiences, staff members began insisting that this training be shared with other
villages, and they incorporated it into their project proposals.
Isn’t that cool? Logs out of our own eyes.
Next step is to confront. I lived for a year in the Lutheran retreat center in the Cascade
Mountains of Washington known as Holden Village. Each week we had a wonderful
communion service about 4 in the afternoon. One Sunday about two o’clock my friend
Mary came to my room and said she wanted to talk with me. She told me that she had
been very hurt by something I had said earlier that week. She was resentful toward me
and she realized she couldn’t come to communion bearing that resentment. Jesus said
in Matthew 5 that if we are coming to worship and we remember that we have something
against one of our fellow church members we are to leave our gift there at the altar and
be reconciled, then come back to worship. Mary confronted me. She was right. I
apologized for my insensitive remark and asked for her forgiveness, which she gave.
A few months later Mary was killed in a car accident at the age of 24. In the midst of my
grief I was so grateful that she didn’t die with something out of whack between us.
As I have requested before, if you have an issue with me please come talk to ME, not
your neighbor. And I covenant to come talk with you if I have an issue with you.
If the person won’t listen to you, then bring two or three of your fellow Christians to talk
with the person.
If the person still won’t be reconciled then bring it to the church, says Jesus. For us, that
would be the Session. I read about a case where a member of a church became
addicted to heroin and to finance his habit began to be a dealer. One of the other
church members confronted him, urging him to get help, with no success. Then a few of
the elders talked with him. Finally, the situation was brought to the whole church and
they voted to remove him from membership until he stopped dealing heroin. Tough love.
We don’t do this much in the Presbyterian Church. I’ve never done anything like that. I
hope that I will in the future have the guts to do that. We would do it for the good of the
person involved in the sin and in hopes of starting the process toward that person’s own
wholeness.
Well, if the person won’t listen to the church, Jesus said to treat the person like a tax
collector or a Gentile. Well!
But what does that mean?
Who is writing down this incident? Matthew. Matthew’s previous occupation was what?
Tax collector! How would Matthew have heard this?
I don’t know. But I don’t think Jesus is saying three strikes and the person’s out. I think
he was saying, “Keep reaching out. Never, ever give up.” I’m not saying condone the
behavior. I’m definitely not saying a spouse puts up with abuse, for example.
But what did Jesus mean when he said, “If he still won’t listen to you treat him like a
gentile or a tax collector”?
I think he meant don’t ever stop praying and working and yearning for a reconciliation of
the relationship.
Recap: Look for the log in your own eye. Gently confront one-on-one. If no resolution
there bring one or two with you. If there is still no resolution bring the elders to the
person. Finally, treat the person like a gentile or tax collector. Amen.
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